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i understand.

The psychology behind- I understand. These words often come out in day-to-day conversations. It's the human way of trying to relate to others.

I've always been a talker.

I hate silence, it's my biggest pet peeve, I always need someone talking, a playlist going or music blaring.

Although recently I've tried to accept the quiet. listen to the wind. Embrace the feeling of solitude.

this has taught me several things, 1) the world moves slower if I'm moving slower, 2) Jesus talks louder when I'm not talking over him, and 3) I'm a pretty bad listener

lately, I've taken a step back and tried to listen more. Listen more in conversations, and try to relate to my people.

This causes conversations to go a lot more smoothly, it makes my heart happy now to hear people share things with me. Where before I would have been so caught up in saying the next thing that I was not even listening to the words coming out of their mouth.

In these conversations tho, I've picked up on several things. People (society) are terrible at listening, and secondly, we say we understand a lot.

Just think about it, if you are nodding your head back in forth in a conversation, every few sentences you will say 'yeah', 'wow', and 'I understand'.- this is conversational narcissism.

believe it or not the terms I understand are overused.

they can be hurtful

and really show your ignorance in a conversation.

it is proven to show low emotional intelligence.


I know how you feel.


I'm the first to admit that I use these words too much. but folks the words I know how you feel, should really be used, (when you've actually lived through something similar)

change up the words.

instead of

I know how you feel...

I've been through that before...

I get it...


I'm so sorry that has happened to you...

I can imagine what your going through...

Thanks for sharing this... tell me more

the whole point of being in a conversation with someone is to acknowledge that you are there to support that person. (if you have no interest in helping that person then just get out of the conversation)

you are trying to connect with that person, you are TRYING to understand their views, mental state, lifestyle etc.

"Everyone just needs someone to listen to them"- unknown

trust me. it will change your conversations.

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1 Comment

Karen Almquist
Karen Almquist
Jun 20, 2022

Dear Jenna Helen,

First of all, you are a beautiful, caring listener. You always enquire how I'm doing or what I did last week or what my plans are for the future. And then you listen with interest, even though my plans are rather mundane. You are a a very special student which I know all your teachers recognize and appreciate, as I do. And your blog entry reflects that you strive to be even more compassionate. Your use of the term "Conversational Narcissism" (which convicted me) shows your insight, heart and maturity beyond your years.

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